I want to…

Isiah Thomas has just been hired as the head basketball coach at FIU.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=4067233

Not only would I refuse to hire Isiah to coach a high school team, I would not hire him to coach a traveling team of 12 year old girls.

Isiah must know that this is a bad idea.

He did win AS A PLAYER at Indiana and as a Detroit Piston…1oo years ago!  However, let’s run down his resume.  He overdosed on sleeping pills and was taken to court for sexually harassing a female front office employee for the New York Knicks.  Other than that, he completely ruined a fantastic Indiana Pacers team and took the Knicks from very bad to the worst ever.  During his tenure as coach for the Pacers, he had an extremely talented team where an Irish Setter puppy could have guided them to the playoffs.  Isiah did this, then lost 3 times in a row during the first round.  I remember distinctly how he was out-coached by Jim O’Brien and the Boston Celtics…Isiah clearly had a more talented team, but he had his head up his ass and lost the series.

Isiah SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS as a coach.  There should be a restraining order issued against him keeping him at least 400 feet from the sidelines of a basketball court.

I am forgetting something, aren’t I?  Oh, yeah…he destroyed the CBA!  Why doesn’t anyone ever talk about this anymore?  Isiah decided to buy the Continental Basketball Association…the CBA.  It was pretty close to what the NBDL is now.  However, when Isiah got his filthy little hands on it, the league crashed, fell over, went broke, died, disappeared, faltered, exploded, shit it’s pants, failed, etc.  Are you getting the point?  HE DESTROYED A LEAGUE…not even one team…a 17 team league!  He implemented a ton of rule changes, cut players salaries, immediately tried to sell the league, and when he got an offer to be an NBA Coach and he couldn’t sell…he left the CBA in the hands of a blind trust.  That means, no one was running the thing and it could not succeed.  Good work, remind me to adopt a family from an impoverished nation.  I will take them back to the US and change their way of life completely, but when no one wants to take them after a while, I will give up and move in with a rich American family in a big house.  That old family, they will fend for themselves in this new country without my guidance or financial assistance.  Who cares if they even know English!

Isiah Thomas, may do well at FIU.  I think that is highly unlikely, but it may happen. Nevertheless, the guy is a jerk, and if I were Michael Jordan, I wouldn’t have allowed him to play on the original Dream Team either…oh yeah, that happened.

The Dickhead is behind you...

This weekend the Captain was fortunate enough to see his beloved Boston Red Sox play the Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles.  However, it was unfortunate to have to be in the same stadium as a certain Angels fan.

Let me preface this by saying that this fan could be at any stadium rooting for any team…however, he was at this one showing off his Anaheim pride.  Ah, Anaheim pride…Disneyland, freeways, warm weather…not much else.  A city that lies close to Los Angeles and is on the way to San Diego.  In fact, when I think of Anaheim, the first thing I think of is the classic scene from “Swingers” with Vince Vaughn (Trent), Jon Favreau (Mike), and Patrick Van Horn (Sue) that illustrates my point.

Mike: What the fuck are you carrying a gun for? What, in case somebody steps to you, Snoop Dogg?
Sue: Hey man, you’re not from here, alright. You don’t know how it is. I grew up in L.A.

Anaheim

Trent: Anaheim.
Sue: Whatever, man. It’s different out here. It’s not like New York, Mikey.

You can see the clip here http://www.killerclips.com/util/view-greeting.php?mqg=30896

There is so much Anaheim pride that a couple years ago, the team officially changed their name from the “Anaheim Angels” to the “Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles.”  There is so much Anaheim pride, that when the Red Sox come into town for a regular season game the Angeles are able to fill half the stadium with fans.  That’s about 20,000 people!  Too bad for them that the Red Sox also fill the stadium with about 20,000 people, and the stadium is 3,000 miles from Boston.

Anyway, to get back to the specific fan.  While watching, what turned out to be an excellent game, I heard someone shouting.  “Fuck you Boston!”  “Go the fuck home Boston” and “Faggotts, you Boston faggotts!”  He was close and loud…so I assumed that he would be drunk, sloppy, and fun to watch.  So, I turned around and saw that he was drunk and sloppy, but not fun to watch.

Why?

Because he was with his wife and BABY!

Yes, it is true, this drunken asshole was enjoying himself with his wife in the seat next to him and his baby in a stroller next to her. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  This kid was clearly under a year old and most likely didn’t have the ability to talk, but his father,  and probably role model, was drunk off his ass screaming profanities and homophobic epithets.

What a nice afternoon activity for the Easter Weekend!

The Captain does not have a problem with a little friendly banter between fans and a little bit of profanity is fine too.  That is freedom of speech and without that liberty, The Captain could not explain for this blog.  Yet, when cheering for a game turns nasty and cruel for no other reason than to be a dick, that is wrong.

...not sweet...not sweet at all

When you are a parent, you should know better.  If you go to a game to get drunk, rowdy, and violent, don’t bring your baby.  If you do want to bring your kid, perfhaps you should lay off of the sauce and teach the little one how to keep score.  Wouldn’t that be a better memory than having to remember the eventual confrontation this guy will get into?  I can imagine an older version of this baby telling his friends, “When I was six years old my dad took me to Angels’ Stadium.  We were kicking the shit out of the Kansas City Royals, and my father yelled ‘Go the fuck back to Kansas City, you Kansas City Faggots!’ Oh man, it was hilarious!  He called them ‘Kansas City Faggotts!’  It was sweet.  Suddenly, a gigantic muscular man with a spiked leather dog collar, no shirt, and KC Royals hat stood up, walked toward my Dad, and ripped out his throat!  It was not sweet.  My dad died…not sweet.”

Seriously, leave the anger and the violence at home.  Sporting events are games, played by over-paid men.  Please remember that games should be fun and injuries should be kept on the field, not in the stands.

The Captain does not particularly like the UNC men’s basketball team. They did however just convincingly win a national championship and the video below is pretty cool.  It is done with time lapse photography and the camera is set above Franklin Street, the epicenter for drunk state college kids (adorned in a baby blue that should only be worn only by girls and small children) to come out, party, and burn shit.  What you can’t see are these dumb asses deciding to jump through the fires and waking up the next morning thinking “Man, I am so hungover…Oh Shit! Where did I put my eyebrows!?!?”

Holy Shit!

There is a woman who has too much time on her hands and an uncomfortable love affair with a poor poodle.

This is her website.

http://www.pinkcoyote.net/creativegrooming.html

Simultaneously one of the most amazing and terrifying things I have ever seen.

Enjoy!