While on a crowded elevator inside Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas NV the Captain noticed something very intriguing.

Some dude was standing there with one of  his t-shirt sleeves rolled up to show off the fresh ink on his upper arm.  Cool!  Tattoos can be pretty sweet, the only problem was that this tattoo read “Bone Collector,” and was written in a blue and red font that could easily be called ‘Lightning Bolt.”

Three possible reasons that this man chose this tattoo are: A. This man’s vocation requires him to gather the hard connective tissue forming the substance of the skeleton of most vertebrates.  B. This man is a huge fan of the Denzel Washington and Angelina Jolie movie that came out in 1999? or  C. He just some super gay guy that got drunk and wanted to show the pride he has in his collection of the proverbial bone possessed by the human male?

If you guessed C…you are correct!

The Captain and his friend also chose the option C, and kept stealing glances at the tattoo and back to eachother while both thinking to ourselves…”is this for real? Does that dude really have a fresh tattoo on his arm that reads ‘Bone Collector’!?!?!?” Suddenly, our question was answered when the The Bone Collector himself failed to show any elevator courtesy and shouted to his friends, in an accent that could only be described as San Franciscan, “You fuckin’ bitches, I can’t believe you let me get the gayest tattoo ever…It fucking says ‘Bone Collector’ on my arm!”  It was at this instant that the people in the tightly packed space united in a chorus of delightful laughter.  Apparently, the Captain and his buddy were not the only ones silently judging this man and  commenting on his choice of the decoration on his deltoid.  I guess the crowd agreed…The only way that this particular tattoo could be any gayer is if it were on the small of his back.

In the lobby level of the Mandalay Bay Hotel there is a tattoo parlor.  You guessed it! A terrible idea.

A gayer tattoo

How many “Bone Collector” mistakes are permanently inscribed on somebody per year? Per month? Per day?  Vegas is a place where drugs and alcohol reign supreme and wise decisions are left by wayside.  Um…anyone wanna get wasted then married?  At least a wedding can be annulled, that is of course if getting married in Vegas is not the plot point that is driving a terrible movie, e.g. “What Happens in Vegas” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1033643/. Having a tattoo parlor in in a high traffic area of inebriated morons is as about as good of an idea of having a twinkie store at a diabetes clinic…people just end up hurting themselves.

Later that day, after our run in with The Bone Collector, we went into that tattoo parlor and asked their policy on late night Tattoos.  They basically said that they were open all night and whenever someone decided to get a tattoo they could have one, as long as they signed a waiver.  When we asked about the bone collector tattoo, they remembered him vividly.  “Oh yes, he came in last night…he was so nice!  He wanted a tattoo that said “bone collector.”  We didn’t know what it was but it sounded fun.  He sat down, chose the font and the colors and everything.  It looked great.”

Um…yeah…great.

Isiah Thomas has just been hired as the head basketball coach at FIU.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=4067233

Not only would I refuse to hire Isiah to coach a high school team, I would not hire him to coach a traveling team of 12 year old girls.

Isiah must know that this is a bad idea.

He did win AS A PLAYER at Indiana and as a Detroit Piston…1oo years ago!  However, let’s run down his resume.  He overdosed on sleeping pills and was taken to court for sexually harassing a female front office employee for the New York Knicks.  Other than that, he completely ruined a fantastic Indiana Pacers team and took the Knicks from very bad to the worst ever.  During his tenure as coach for the Pacers, he had an extremely talented team where an Irish Setter puppy could have guided them to the playoffs.  Isiah did this, then lost 3 times in a row during the first round.  I remember distinctly how he was out-coached by Jim O’Brien and the Boston Celtics…Isiah clearly had a more talented team, but he had his head up his ass and lost the series.

Isiah SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS as a coach.  There should be a restraining order issued against him keeping him at least 400 feet from the sidelines of a basketball court.

I am forgetting something, aren’t I?  Oh, yeah…he destroyed the CBA!  Why doesn’t anyone ever talk about this anymore?  Isiah decided to buy the Continental Basketball Association…the CBA.  It was pretty close to what the NBDL is now.  However, when Isiah got his filthy little hands on it, the league crashed, fell over, went broke, died, disappeared, faltered, exploded, shit it’s pants, failed, etc.  Are you getting the point?  HE DESTROYED A LEAGUE…not even one team…a 17 team league!  He implemented a ton of rule changes, cut players salaries, immediately tried to sell the league, and when he got an offer to be an NBA Coach and he couldn’t sell…he left the CBA in the hands of a blind trust.  That means, no one was running the thing and it could not succeed.  Good work, remind me to adopt a family from an impoverished nation.  I will take them back to the US and change their way of life completely, but when no one wants to take them after a while, I will give up and move in with a rich American family in a big house.  That old family, they will fend for themselves in this new country without my guidance or financial assistance.  Who cares if they even know English!

Isiah Thomas, may do well at FIU.  I think that is highly unlikely, but it may happen. Nevertheless, the guy is a jerk, and if I were Michael Jordan, I wouldn’t have allowed him to play on the original Dream Team either…oh yeah, that happened.

The Captain does not particularly like the UNC men’s basketball team. They did however just convincingly win a national championship and the video below is pretty cool.  It is done with time lapse photography and the camera is set above Franklin Street, the epicenter for drunk state college kids (adorned in a baby blue that should only be worn only by girls and small children) to come out, party, and burn shit.  What you can’t see are these dumb asses deciding to jump through the fires and waking up the next morning thinking “Man, I am so hungover…Oh Shit! Where did I put my eyebrows!?!?”