GO SEE IT…I JUST DID…IT’S HILARIOUS…

Who gives a shit?

First…sorry for not posting more frequently.  Second, sorry for posting this video.

Last night a friend of mine asked, “Hey, did you know that Mariah Carey remade that Foreigner song ‘I Wanna Know What Love Is?’”

“Really?” I replied, “that is a bad ass 80’s song! Did she ruin it?”

“Nope, it is exactly the same.”

Oh great…that is just what people need.  Here’s my opinion. Mariah Carey has a great voice…honestly one of the best. Yet, if an artist wants to remake a song especially one that people know, they should put their own creative stamp on it.  You might say, “but she added a choir and electronic beats.”  To that I say “shut up!  shut the hell up!”  That song is the damn same!  The best remakes are when the artist shows you “this is an old song and this is how I interpret it.”  It is not one where they say, “this is an old song and this is how I will sing it during karaoke.”  You are called a recording artist for a reason, so please, be an artist!  Shit…the Fugees had two on their album “The Score.”  Both, “No Woman, No Cry” and “Killing Me Softly” are remakes and both are great new songs.”  Or how about that fat Hawaiian guy who died, Israel Kamakawiwo’ole?  His version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” is amazing.

Why?  BECAUSE THEY MADE IT THEIR OWN SONG!

There are others, but I got shit to do.

What Mariah did with her song was manage to freak me out while watching the video.  WTF?  What’s with the green screen, cheesy graphics, and uncomfortably long shots of families that have faced an implied yet challenging situation?  Did someone actually direct this and have a creative concept in mind?

Here is the piece of shit video that she released.  I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST BLOGGED ABOUT MARIAH CAREY!  While you watch this, I am going examine just where my life went completely wrong.

http://www.regretsy.com/

A report states that an anonymous player on the Minnesota Vikings claims that Brett Favre has caused a “schism” in the locker room. This report is false, clearly no NFL player can use the word schism in a sentence.

Recently The Captain visited a coffee shop in San Diego….here’s what went down.

On the way into the store I noticed a woman sitting outside dressed entirely in pink.  She was wearing a ratty pink sweat suit, had pink socks stuffed into her pink flip flops, and was wearing a pink visor that said “princess” in sparkling letters.  I should point out that her visor was a liar and this woman was in

Not her...but close!

no way a princess. Her head-gear could not contain the massive amount of dirty blonde curls that erupted from this woman’s scalp.  Also, she was looking less and less psychotic the more and more she was talking to the pigeons outside.

“Ok, there is a lunatic at the entrance of this building.” I said to myself, taking a mental inventory, as I entered the store.  “Be on alert when it is time to leave…nobody wants to get cut today.”

Shortly after ordering my coffee I exited the store, and this lady jumped up in front of me with a look in her eyes similar to Jack Nicholson at the end of the shining.  “TODAY IS THE DAY I AM GOING TO DIE!” I thought to myself as this pink lady started to speak in a raspy voice designated for people who are in need of an exorcism.  She held out her long ET like finger and pointed at the group of ravenous pigeons that she had been feeding.

“Help me catch this pigeon!”
“Nope.” I replied.
“There are scissors in that store over there!” She exclaimed with a blood-thirsty smile on her face.
“Definitely not!” I blurted out while making a hasty getaway.

What was this woman doing?
Help me catch this pigeon…there are scissors in that store over there…?!?!?!?

Might be one of the strangest combinations of two complete thoughts that I have heard in a while.  Did this woman want me to catch this poor bird while

Can I ask you a question?

she brutally stabbed in my hands with common office supplies?  Was the fact that there were scissors in a near by store a selling point to help me assist her in capturing this bird?  What could possibly be the reason she wanted me to catch a street bird, and hold it while she got a sharp metal object?  “I don’t really want to find out.” I determined in my head while leaving the area.

Meanwhile, during my escape, I was with a girl who asked me why I had been so dismissive of this lady.  “Did you hear what she wanted me to do?” I asked.

“Yes. She wanted you to help her catch that pigeon while she got some scissors to cut the ribbon that was tied around its legs.”

Don't feed the birds!

Ohhhh….so this lady was just being kind to an animal in need.  “I am an asshole,” I briefly thought to myself while remembering the moment.  Maybe that woman was talking to the pigeon to see if it needed help…I could go back, help her, and save the day.

Fuck that…I don’t want to touch that nasty bird in the first place!

This isn’t half bad, but it is completely ridiculous and makes me laugh.  What’s with the decor? Did these kids film this video at their Grandma’s house?  One of them looks like the Asian combination of Kanye West and Avril Lavigne.